Most people don't really have to think about adoption in a way that matters to them. Usually they think about kids who get adopted, or they think about the women who choose abortion over giving there baby up for adoption or vise verse.. either way, I've never heard anyone ask questions about or talk about adoption in any other way... i am...
Since i don't trust doctors anymore or random people with something this important to me - I'm enlisting you, my readers and friends, if that happens to be anyone at all... I have exhausted any and all of my inner most thoughts and feeling on this and i need advise...
So, if you don't know yet, some of you do, i have the ability to just always have something wrong with me, its annoying really. It seems like my body just hasn't been working right in more than one way, and as of lately i have been re-assured by my doctor that i can't have babies... so, my problem is that i can't sleep, think or do anything until i figure out what to do now... Though i can't have babies, my doctor says there is a possible surgery that i can do and then maybe i could have a baby, but with that still comes all of the risks that would be and are there before the surgery. So by having the surgery my chances of being able to have a baby go from 0% to about maybe at most 1% is how i am looking at it... because it is 100% uncertain if i will be able to have a baby after surgery it makes me feel like i would be putting myself through it all for pretty much nothing... so, would that then make me selfish if i did not want to put myself through the surgery? would that make me some awful person for not taking every chance i have at having a baby?
Sometimes i feel like if i did not have the surgery then that makes me a bad person.. since i am a women and am suppose to make babies and all that good stuff, i feel like i am worthless and unable to do my job... if that makes sense... but at the same time i feel like going the route of adoption would be a good thing.. i mean, there are babies out there that need adopted, and i would be able to and that would be awesome... but is that the easy way out of my problem?
now, on a more complicated note... more feelings of being stupid come out when i consider what God would want me to do... i kind of feel like God would want me to try no matter what... what do you think?
and on top of that, i am getting married this year and will be done with school the year after, somewhere soon in the future me and my fiance have decided we want to have kids.. so if i have the surgery and when we start to try to have a baby, then what if the surgery was just pointless and i have a ton of miscarriages while trying to have a baby! what then?! i can't imagine doing that, who would want to go through that just to have a baby? so with all of that said, and with how you feel and think would be a good path to take, what do you think?
Since i don't trust doctors anymore or random people with something this important to me - I'm enlisting you, my readers and friends, if that happens to be anyone at all... I have exhausted any and all of my inner most thoughts and feeling on this and i need advise...
So, if you don't know yet, some of you do, i have the ability to just always have something wrong with me, its annoying really. It seems like my body just hasn't been working right in more than one way, and as of lately i have been re-assured by my doctor that i can't have babies... so, my problem is that i can't sleep, think or do anything until i figure out what to do now... Though i can't have babies, my doctor says there is a possible surgery that i can do and then maybe i could have a baby, but with that still comes all of the risks that would be and are there before the surgery. So by having the surgery my chances of being able to have a baby go from 0% to about maybe at most 1% is how i am looking at it... because it is 100% uncertain if i will be able to have a baby after surgery it makes me feel like i would be putting myself through it all for pretty much nothing... so, would that then make me selfish if i did not want to put myself through the surgery? would that make me some awful person for not taking every chance i have at having a baby?
Sometimes i feel like if i did not have the surgery then that makes me a bad person.. since i am a women and am suppose to make babies and all that good stuff, i feel like i am worthless and unable to do my job... if that makes sense... but at the same time i feel like going the route of adoption would be a good thing.. i mean, there are babies out there that need adopted, and i would be able to and that would be awesome... but is that the easy way out of my problem?
now, on a more complicated note... more feelings of being stupid come out when i consider what God would want me to do... i kind of feel like God would want me to try no matter what... what do you think?
and on top of that, i am getting married this year and will be done with school the year after, somewhere soon in the future me and my fiance have decided we want to have kids.. so if i have the surgery and when we start to try to have a baby, then what if the surgery was just pointless and i have a ton of miscarriages while trying to have a baby! what then?! i can't imagine doing that, who would want to go through that just to have a baby? so with all of that said, and with how you feel and think would be a good path to take, what do you think?
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